Where do I begin? I have so many things on my mind, if I don;t get it out one way or another...I'm going to explode. I spent an hour and half crying my eyeballs out tonight. I am not sure if my emotions got the best of me, if it was a song or if I just had enough and that was my only way to release some steam. I know they tell you at the beginning of the pregnancy that you will have a lot of mood swings, but a lot is not the word for it. Sometimes I don't know whether to run away, cry or hit something. Here are the things that bother me the most: not having a house, my dogs, this emotional train, the baby "excitement" or should I say "lack of excitement."
It is safe to say that I have made it through the first year of my teaching career. I thought I would never make it.I only have 33 more days until summer, 24 more days of school, and 15 more days of school with my students. I am so proud of myself for sticking it out through the year. I only broke down once throughout the whole year.
I am so worried that we will not have a house to live in (besides our parents) when this baby is born. Of course my husband says not to worry about it. How in the world are you suppose to raise a newborn baby and take care of two dogs in an apartment? I cannot walk the dogs and hold the baby at the same time nor am I leaving the baby alone to walk the dogs. Apparently we can't afford to buy a house, so now I am looking for a house for rent-to-own in a good neighborhood. All I can do it look and look. I only have two and a half months before this baby comes and it is not enough time.
I did not realize that when you became pregnant, that meant your emotions would go completely out of whack. Any little or big thing will set my emotions on. Apparently I bought a ticket for the emotional wreck train when I became pregnant. Not only do I worry about everything under the sun, but I cry over most of it. This emotional train I boarded seems like it is getting worse everyday.
Lack of excitement.... Humm, where do I begin. At first I was not that excited because you could feel or see the baby. Now the baby is active and kicking like crazy these days. I am so excited and ready to have my little one HOWEVER, I am not sure if my husband feels the same way. I feel like he isn't excited. I think he is more excited about everyone else baby except our. I know this is probably not true, but I sure do feel this way. It almost seems like having a baby is not that big of a deal. I thought that if he heard the heartbeat, got to feel it kick and saw it on the ultrasound it would make him more excited but it didn't. Maybe this is a male thing, I don't know. I just would like to see some excitement from him. I think this part bothers me the most. I am just tearing up thinking about it. I don't know how to get him more excited or at least tell me so that it is believable. Any ideas??
I just don't know what to do these days. The person I went to with these problems has walked out of my life and it sucks. I just feel like I can't talk to anyone that can relate to it. I have my family, but sometimes I don't want them to know everything that is going on. I am just burnt out, want a house to live in (NOT our parents house, I love them but I need my space) and want to get rid of this emotional train I am on. I feel like it is going to wreck soon and it is going to be one big mess.
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